November 2010
3 posts
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I Know What Could Have Improved 'For Colored...
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May 2009
1 post
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April 2009
10 posts
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My Tumblr is not a Livejournal, and yet...
You Act Like You Are 20 Years Old
You are a twenty-something at heart. You feel like an adult, and you’re optimistic about life.
You feel excited about what’s to come… love, work, and new experiences.
You’re still figuring out your place in the world and how you want your life to shape up.
The world is full of possibilities, and you can’t wait to explore many...
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“[Michelle Rodriguez] broke up the bachelorette party yelling that the stripper...”
– NYP
Had a small what? A small bleep? You’ve got to be BLEEPing kindding me, Post! Famed for front page headlines like “A-Hole,” now the Post is suddenly too demure to elaborate on the filth that escaped Michelle Rodriguez’s mouth?
Rodriguez let loose this unicorn of an...
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March 2009
17 posts
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WatchThank God the idiots at the Jimmy Fallon Show inadvertently publicized this hilarious Onion video.
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“Particularly if one is insane with jealousy at [Scarlett] Johansson’s...”
– Gawker
I, frankly, find this post on Scarlett Johansson’s weight loss/diminished breasts offensive.
They found a picture of her looking disheveled, with her cleavage held high, and juxtapose it against this vampire-chic, tittyless picture, and we’re supposed to sigh over her...
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“Charla Nash, 55, lost her hands, nose, lips and eyelids in the 12-minute...”
– NPR
I think she should get ever penny of the $50 million. I can’t think of anything more horrible than sustaining those injuries in a chimpanzee attack.
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Dear UK, What the hell are you thinking?!
Let’s hope I never mistake windshield- wiper fluid for my vodka drinks. This story from the Guardian is pretty much the equivalent of finding out that your daycare center mistook blue windshield-wiper fluid for Kool-Aid. (True story.) I feel so betrayed, so angry!
English Prime Minister Gordon Brown has thankfully taken the sensible road and rejected a horrifying proposal about setting a...
I hope Matthew Wilder still looks like this...
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This is why I'm going to hell
Gillian will make you cry tears of wheat grass
The only reality TV shows worth watching are on BBC America. They are, in no particular order, You Are What You Eat, Kitchen Nightmares, and The F Word. The latter shows star a gorgeous hulk of a man named Gordon Ramsay who deigns to grace Americans with a network reality show called Hell’s Kitchen. They’re all amazing, but Hell’s...
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I'm Mental for Michael
Do you think Michael will wear Post-its onstage? For those of you out of touch with the activities of 50-year-old pop icons, it may come as a surprise that tickets to Michael Jackson’s limited engagement tour in London go on sale in just 3.5 hours.
I was considering signing up for the presale — which apparently crashed in under an hour last week as “more than 1.5 million people...
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Who's the Prof?
This is Tony Danza, not Tony Micelli I was just reading this article about the impact of the economic crisis on PhD students who are seeking jobs.
As with the article last month from the Chronicle of Higher Education, the moral of this story is that doctoral candidates are fucked sideways with a traffic cone.
Doesn’t it make you nostalgic for the good ol’ days when Tony Micelli...
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“Facebook doesn’t have, like, a harem option or alpha/beta/gamma male...”
– Nicole Teutschel, University of California, Santa Cruz, Tagging of Pacific Predators project.
I, personally, often lament the absence of a harem-relationship option on Facebook.
February 2009
1 post
WatchBabymop: Just add hot water and poisonous soap to actually be effective as a mop!
January 2009
10 posts
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Paul Blart: The Face of Escapism
Columbia Pictures Industries, Inc People chuckled last fall that the rise of Beverly Hills Chihuahua to No. 1 in the box office was a sure sign of the recession. Nobody wants to watch deep films pondering the progression of a misanthropic antihero, critics sighed. I saw BHC and was surprised at the sheer level of awesome.
Then last month, Marley & Me beat out Benjamin and his Buttons while...
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“Barbara, bring me my Bloody Mary and the keys to the car.”
– Ollie (completely without irony) while shoveling snow at 10 this morning. Don’t worry — I drove!
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Oh, Happy Day!
If I were a DJ, I would play “That Old Black Magic” 24/7 to commemorate this historic weekend. I count three really special ingredients adding up to a potent celebration: we have the opening of Notorious, Martin Luther King Day on Monday and the inauguration Barack Obama on Tuesday.
It’s enough to make a girl watch Norbit on loop all day!
I hope you are all getting into the...
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peace guys, I'm outta here
Barack is the proverbial carpet that matches the Oval Office drapes.
froufy:
Obama invited all of the living presidents to lunch today and provided us with this great photo op. Someone needs to grab President Carter before he inches any further away and escapes, though. (Image via Gothamist)
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Paris Hilton's Publicist: The Only Recession-Proof...
Which one of these men does not belong?
When you contract herpes just by talking to the caller on your media organization’s tip line, that should be the first hint you are speaking with none other than the mouthpiece of Paris Hilton.
You’ve got to hand it to her publicist though. Getting two magazines in as many weeks to legitimize the notion of her as anything but an STD dumpster...
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“She and others took the trip in memory of her grandmother, who loved the slots.”
– heheheheh
Yes, I am Beavis & Butthead.
I don’t know exactly how to link to this AOL javascript window where I found the article, so here’s the rest of the story from which this beautiful quote emerged:
Beginner’s Luck
Jessica Agbunag, center, won $2.4 million from a slot...
December 2008
25 posts
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Lies! →
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"Also found in the execution of the search warrant... →
Let’s speculate wildly as to where this suitcase of money came from! Maybe Plaxico is just distrustful of banks in this turbulent economic climate?
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“You people watch some funny shit. No wonder you’re nuts. Women getting...”
– My dad, on last night’s episode of “Ghost Whisperer,” in which a man attacks his wife and the eponymous character with a fireplace poker.
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Mercurian Attack!
Dinner Photo by Melissa Hom Fresh off the heels of the stunning news that the mercury levels in many fish are not, in fact, toxic to pregnant women, actor Jeremy Piven is leading a chorus of detractors.
Earlier this week came word of a draft report from the Food and Drug Administration that argues the health benefits of eating fish outweigh the potential ill effects of mercury. The...
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“Guess what! Barbara’s going to have to stop her COKE addiction! She just...”
– My mom
A point of order: I do not love Coke (as in Coca-Cola). I despise it like Tom Cruise despises the ever-glib Matt Lauer. My mom is a jokester. I don’t know where she gets it from.
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I don't "see" why Paterson wants to tax soda
The devil incarnate For some reason I don’t think my pun regarding Governor Paterson* being legally blind will take off quite as well as the awesome ones that the New York Post provides.
Paterson is the object of my ire this week because he is threatening to tax soda. When I heard this news, I almost cried. I envisioned a future not unlike The Grapes of Wrath, in which I crawl across the...