This is why I’m going to hell
Gillian will make you cry tears of wheat grass
The only reality TV shows worth watching are on BBC America. They are, in no particular order, You Are What You Eat, Kitchen Nightmares, and The F Word. The latter shows star a gorgeous hulk of a man named Gordon Ramsay who deigns to grace Americans with a network reality show called Hell’s Kitchen. They’re all amazing, but Hell’s Kitchen doesn’t have the syndication caché to satisfy anyone’s urges for screaming Britons more than once a week.
You Are What You Eat stars a princess from some macabre fairy tale named Gillian McKeith. Basically she stomps around the homes of obese people living in the UK and shames them into losing weight. It is a thrilling half hour of television that I am unfortunately doomed to miss since I am chained to a computer instead of a TV all day.
Thankfully my sister is on spring break this week and left me a delightful voicemail recapping a very special episode of You Are What You Eat. I’ve transcribed her insight for your reading pleasure.
Hey, Barb, it’s me. “You Are What You Eat” is on. I just wanted to tell you a select quote that was just said. They’re doing the intervention on this family of four, fat English people. And they have this really fat daughter named Tanya. [one minute of laughter.] And — they’re all fat, but so is she — and they’re tallying up all the food they ate all week. And they’re going on about the chips and whatnot and beer, and they go like, “Forty-three chocolate bars, of which Tanya ate half.” And they zoom in on Tanya’s fat face with a chocolate bar in the [talks incoherently while laughing]. I love this show. Okay, bye.
